itsgayerinenochian:

creepyjirachi:

"you can’t be just friends with people of the gender you’re attracted to"
myth actually true. i, as a bisexual, can confirm that i have no friends.

pansexuals spend their lives in solitude, with only rocks for company

(via i-peed-so-hard-i-laughed)

sexaulity:

spicegorl:

j5h:

intelligence is such a turn on

so is a huge co*ck

why did you put an asterisk you still spelt the whole word

(via i-peed-so-hard-i-laughed)

blue-eyed-hanji:

thelifeofnachos:

These shows taught me all about animals, science, math, geography, reading, grammar, kindness and friendship. 

This will always be golden 

aww yissss

I can feel the nostalgia ooze into my bloodstream

(via i-peed-so-hard-i-laughed)

nickyrads:

leander-ligo:

lordthundercox:

Yes, it does.

Guys get morning wood because our bladders fill up during the night and begin to press against our prostate, causing arousal. Our dicks don’t just feel the sun coming up and think “My time has come”

I’m dying

nickyrads:

leander-ligo:

lordthundercox:

Yes, it does.

Guys get morning wood because our bladders fill up during the night and begin to press against our prostate, causing arousal. Our dicks don’t just feel the sun coming up and think “My time has come”

I’m dying

(via i-peed-so-hard-i-laughed)

professorfangirl:

prokopetz:

This is the one time of year that I love wasps.
Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.
Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.
The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.
I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.
The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.
So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.
Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.
Fucking wasps.

I tried to reblog this with a witty tag, but Tumblr took it as serious advice:

professorfangirl:

prokopetz:

This is the one time of year that I love wasps.

Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.

Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.

The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.

I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.

The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.

So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.

Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.

Fucking wasps.

I tried to reblog this with a witty tag, but Tumblr took it as serious advice:

image

(via i-peed-so-hard-i-laughed)

rowanandphoenixfeather:

one of my roommates used to work with 5th graders in a creative writing class thing and they had to write a romance and most of the kids wrote stories about princesses and crap but this one little girl wrote about how a marshmallow fell in love with a mug of cocoa and he loved the cocoa so much that in order to be with her he melted and died like wow kid that’s some shakespearian shit right there

(via jackhoward)

fr33kinmatt:

play horror games in your underwear with me in a pitch black room at 2am

(via fromthesunrise)

brooklyn-grace:

my friend kimberley forgot how to spell laughing so she said yay attacks.

yay

attacks

(via i-peed-so-hard-i-laughed)

login tumblr at 2AM n everyone posting they lil fetish. n it be some shit like “i love men that look like bill nye n wear scuba suit”

(via alenallama)

boom clap the sound of my ass

crocro-ampora:

nottdead:

gratuitoustext:

I only took one picture today. It was beautiful.

oh my godI love you

the spicerack is beautiful

crocro-ampora:

nottdead:

gratuitoustext:

I only took one picture today. It was beautiful.

oh my god
I love you

the spicerack is beautiful

(via i-peed-so-hard-i-laughed)

lennon-in-the-sky-with-timelords:

So my cousin was in a gay pride parade and everything in her outfit and makeup was rainbow but she was wearing red contacts and while marching, a protester behind her yelled “You’re going straight to hell” and she turns around to face him with her fuCKING blood red eyes and she says “well duh, I got a kindom to run” and the protester nearly fucking passed out that is her legacy I want to be like her

(via awkwardvagina)

foodishouldnoteat:

if you love food follow my blog!

foodishouldnoteat:

if you love food follow my blog!

titshemsworth:

pachurz:

partyintheusanus:

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A SHAVED RABBIT

image

Put a hat on it and ask it to bust myths.

image

(via heliolisk)